About a month ago I went on a date with a guy who was 16 years older than me. I have a thing for dirty old men. I like to imagine them touching me in naughty places and making me their nasty little sex bitch....like I said, I have a thing. Now, I'm sure you're wondering where I would meet these dirty old men....well, that's simple, the dirty old man Mecca..aka Lavalife. Truthfully, I've never actually experienced my dirty old man fantasy in the flesh. I mean, sure I've had sex with men who could, if you're looking at this from a technical point of view, be my daddy, but they weren't what I would classify as "dirty"...although that one guy did know how to give me a real good spanking (damn, I could use one right now). Anyways...so a month ago I agreed to meet this older guy because, well, I was pretty bored and had nothing better to do. Plus, he appeared to be pretty wealthy and promised to give me a ride in his flashy new car. I like nice things. So shoot me.

So I got myself all prettied up....I even shaved down there, because you never know, right? And a hairy cooch is so embarassing...but from past experience, guys tend to not even give a fuck, just as long as they're getting at least some kind of ass. Am I right? I'm sooo right. Shut up.

I'm not going to get into the details of the date because it was pretty basic. But it ended with him singing Backstreet Boys, the old school stuff, on the top of his lungs when he drove me home (do I need to elaborate on the wrongness of this? I didn't think so.). I gave him a peck on the cheek and decided that he was more creepy than dirty. There IS a difference. Look it up.

Hmm...I'm not sure where this story is going? I think I just wanted to mention my old dirty man fantasy again.

You see?! This is what happens when you deprive yourself of sex...or maybe it's just me.

Okay, so tonight I'm going to try one more time to get the g-spot without any help from other sources...if it doesn't work, then it's to the sex shop I go!

P.S. I'm in the middle of reading "Lolita" right now. Humbert Humbert you are dirty!