And the truth is I miss you...

It was a year ago that I last got to hold you. I knew you were sick, deep down I knew you were dying as I held you close to me. I was hungover and tired. You spent the day with me. We watched tv all day...just the two of us. I can still feel the warmth of your body against mine. You were so frail and light...no bigger than 2 lbs at that point. All bones and fur you were. My dog of 14 years. When I left you to go back to my home, my home so far away from you, I didn't know it would be that last time I would see you. You see, I knew you were sick...but you had been sick before, right? You always got better. You did. But a week later my mom called to tell me that you were dying of kidney failure...that there was nothing they could do....that you were going to be put down the next day. I wanted you to hold on until the weekend...just 3 more days. I wanted to make sure that you weren't scared..I wanted to be there...I wanted to say good bye. You were always so cold, I couldn't even make sure you were buried with your little blanket. That was a bad day. They said you went as soon as the poison hit your system...just seconds. I know you were suffering...I do, but I want you to know that I miss you. That I still, even now, look for you running to the door when I come home for holidays. I look before I sit down on the couch..just so I don't squish you. You even haunt my dreams. I miss you so much it hurts even to write this...my keyboard is wet with my tears. I wish I could know that you were okay because you were a great dog. You were my dog. And the truth is I miss you....